How to Let Go -When and How to Dissolve the Relationship

Guidelines for Planned Termination

Mentors should:

• Alert students well in advance about the ending of the relationship.
• Be prepared for anger or denial; help students anticipate these feelings.
• Monitor your own feelings: sadness, guilt, relief, etc.
• Use the process as a means to recall student’s progress and strengths.
• Help students grow from the process; reassure them about what they have learned and are capable of.
• Discuss positive actions and directions for the future.
• Reassure student of your confidence in him/her.
• Plan a "fun" activity together, and follow through on that final activity.

Guidelines for Premature Terminations

Remember, (from our Mentoring Agreement):

"We agree to a no-fault conclusion of this relationship if, for any reason, it seems appropriate. Either party has the option of discontinuing the relationship for any reason, and he or she will discuss this decision with the Mentor Project Coordinator before terminating the relationship."

If the mentor or student is ending the match prematurely, due to moving to another community, joining another program, family pressure, job commitment, or "not liking" the program:

• They must notify the Mentor Coordinator as soon as possible of their intentions.
• They must communicate to the other their intentions and the reason why they are leaving. This should be done in person. If that is not possible, a phone call or letter is acceptable as a last resort. The student or mentor may ask the Mentor Coordinator to be present for this meeting.
• The Mentor Coordinator must be notified when this discussion has taken place and a letter will then be sent to the parent/guardian informing them of the formal closure of the match.

If staff must ask students or mentors to leave the program prematurely:

• In rare instances, the Mentor Coordinator may be required to end the relationship. It will be the responsibility of the staff member/Mentor Coordinator to fully explain to both parties the reason for the premature closure.
• A letter will be sent to all parties including parents, announcing the formal closure of the relationship.

Return to Mentor Training Course